Memoir as Meaning-Making

Turning Life Into Story, One Draft at a Time

Usually, in the Memoir Mentor Book Club, we discuss memoirs, but last week, we mixed things up and read a book on the craft of memoir: Paula Balzer’s book, Writing & Selling Your Memoir: How to Craft Your Life Story So That Somebody Else Will Actually Want to Read It. I highly recommend this book to anyone at any stage of their memoir writing process. Paula has packed this book with a boatload of practical advice; plus I really enjoyed the conversations it spurred.

In particular, I've been thinking about the balance between writing for ourselves and writing for an audience. One member (Karren Ablaze! read more of her work here) eloquently shared, “Memoir writing turns my life into some kind of mission, makes it more coherent, like something is happening, it’s not just things happening to me.” She further expressed, “I imagine it gives me power … and in the long run, things will change. My writing will shine a light on areas of society that are currently in the dark.” This perspective beautifully captures the dual purpose of memoir: while it serves as a personal journey of understanding, it also holds the potential to enlighten and impact others.

In Writing and Selling Your Memoir, Paula devotes a fair amount of time to encouraging memoirists to search for what makes their own story unique. A couple of us took issue with this point. While it’s true that some memoirs are fascinating because they are so different from our own lives, one of the things I love about reading memoir is reading a passage and being cut to the core by how another person has put words to my own experiences. (Here’s a blog post I wrote on how I came to love memoir.) I guess the point I’m making is that memoirs don’t necessarily have to be incredibly unusual to be worth reading. It’s the connection and vulnerability that the author shares and the power and beauty in their language that keeps me engaged.

As a memoirist, I have also experienced what Karren described as making it seem like her life is a mission. In writing, I often find meaning and patterns in my life that I would otherwise never notice. It also offers a perspective shift. When something especially terrible happens, instead of diving into depression, I can think, “Well, that sucked, but it sure will make a great story for my memoir.”

I've come to accept that many passages I craft may never make it to the final manuscript. Yet, each word written is far from wasted. The act of writing brings clarity, imbuing my experiences with meaning and helping me make sense of life's complexities. It's a practice that, while perhaps not the swiftest path to completion, enriches my understanding and hones my craft.

Ultimately, while the memoir begins as a personal endeavor, it evolves through revision into a narrative that resonates with others. Embracing this transformation allows us to honor our experiences and connect with readers.

It’s a delicate dance but can lead to profound connections and understanding both in our inner and outer world.