What My Book Club Taught Me

After five years of leading a book club, something that continues to surprise me is how wildly our opinions on books vary. Very few books are unanimously well-received by the group (Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime, Jeanette Walls’ The Glass Castle). Often, half of the members love the book and half hate it (Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking and Maggie Smith’s You Could Make This Place Beautiful).

What Divided Opinions Teach Us About Writing and Ourselves

Something we don’t always consider is that our reactions to a book depend on what we bring to the page. Some members have said their opinions changed depending on the book they read just before, where they were emotionally that week, or how their life experiences compared to the author’s. One person might find a passage devastatingly honest, while another finds it self-indulgent. And both are valid.

It’s a helpful reminder not just for how we read others’ work, but for how we view our own writing.

Some days, I read a section of my memoir and think, “This is terrible. Why am I even writing?” Next week, I’ll look at the exact same words and think, “Wow, that’s actually pretty clever!” It helps to remember: If feelings about a published book can shift depending on mood, timing, or context, then of course they’ll shift about my own messy draft.

The same goes for feedback. You can’t please everyone—including yourself. So don’t let one bad writing day or one negative critique derail you. Keep writing through the doubt.

And stop trying to write something that won’t offend Aunt Gertrude. She’ll likely be scandalized no matter what you do.

Learning from Imperfection

With great writing, it’s hard to deconstruct what makes it work—it’s like peeling petals off a perfect rosebud. The structure is so tight, the language is so gorgeous that it feels impossible to understand what makes it so beautiful.

But books that aren’t my favorites? They’re little gold mines of insight. It’s much easier to quickly identify things I don’t like than those I do. (Also probably one of the reasons I’ve been single so much of my life!) When we can identify why something bothers us, we can use it to direct our own writing, or, as my friend Thea says, it might “give you a shark to swim away from.”

Memoir and Marketing?

This post was actually inspired by a piece written by one of our Memoir Mentors members, Christine Beck. She wrote about how, even as a busy lawyer, The New York Times author Q&As were her favorite section because it helped her decide what to read next and what she might glean from other writers about the art and the life of writing.

I love the way her piece organically introduced her own upcoming memoir. Without sounding promotional at all, she folded in her reflections on craft, her passion for story, and then answered the Q&A questions herself. What a lovely, organic way to share her excitement about (and market) her book.

Another Memoir Mentors member, Jelaine Lombardi, recently shared that after beta-reading a fellow memoirist’s manuscript, the author included a blurb about Jelaine in her author talk during a book tour. It was a win-win: connection, visibility, and collaboration. I love examples like this where we can cross-promote each other.

It makes me all the more excited about our own upcoming book club and author Q&A with Junkyard Girl author Carlyn Montes De Oca. Carlyn is one of those rare authors who genuinely enjoys marketing her work. I’m looking forward to asking her about how she brings joy and authenticity to both the writing and the sharing of her story.

Join us for these events:

📚 Book Club – Junkyard Girl (July 31)
🎤 Author Q&A with Carlyn Montes De Oca (August 7)

P.S. If you’re looking to read with your writer hat on…

I wrote a post called “Reading Like a Writer” that digs deeper into how to learn from what you read. It’s full of practical ways to analyze what works (and what doesn’t), so you can grow as a memoirist while still enjoying the read. Perfect whether you're in a book club or reading solo with a pen in hand.

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What about you?

• Do you attend book clubs? What do you enjoy most about them?

• Have you found yourself reading more actively or critically because of them?

• Have you seen or been part of any creative cross-promotional efforts among memoirists?

Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear what’s worked for you and what you’ve learned from your reading (and writing) communities.

Upcoming events:

Thank you for reading, for showing up, and for believing in the power of shared stories.